A Broken Leg

Hey it’s Bobby. I shouldn’t be the one writing this post, considering my past with Shane, but the old Christian Buddah Fuckwit Supreme has done it again and broken his leg. He fell off the stage last night at The Twisted Vine Wine bar in San Luis Obispo, which, and yes, I’m talking to you, Abraxas, was the first clearly Gay-themed wine bar I have ever seen. I can just see it now, a couple of gay (or who knows, maybe they were straight) entrepreneurs sitting around their Sherman Oaks pool trying to figure out what to do next. Maybe it went like this:

“What’s next, Jim?”
“We need something new and exciting. Weird but not too weird. Good for the gays but also a place that straight people would go. Because both gays and straights spend money.”
“Egads!” Jim jumps up from his chair, spilling Chablis on his banana hammocks. His shades fall into the deep end of the pool. “A wine bar . . . that’s gay!”
“Awesome idea! But we need to test it out. A sample market.”
“San Luis Obispo has some cheap rent these days. Let’s give it a go!”

With the end result looking like a cave. With vines. Made of plastic. The wine wasn’t cheap either. And no free stuff; not even Merlot (thanks again for the quality tour rider, Abraxas). Well at least tonight there was a stage, and a sound system, though it was clear we were most def not going to be able to rock out. But Shane still managed to get twisted up in his cord in the chorus of “Ultra-Apache,” the first song, and tumble offstage to the almost empty dance floor. He landed in the shape of a guy in a gravity-free chamber, except that there was plenty of gravity to be had. Poor Bastard! 

All of us rushed off the stage, though Darlo totally took his time. Shane’s howling in pain and his left leg was mangled to be sure. Kind of looked like this:

Boy did Shane’s dreads wilt over that one! I know, that’s a little mean. But we’ll soldier on. Shane’s going to sing from a chair, which sounds stupid and not exactly rock and roll, but what can you do? I mean Robert Fripp plays in a chair, right? Darlo’s trying to convince Shane to get some crutches and hop around onstage. I think that’s a bad idea, but it’s not like anyone listens to me!