The Tour Starts Today!
Friday, January 9th, 2009
Happy new year, Blood Orphans fans! It’s finally time to hit the road! First stop, Jack’s Basement in Santa Monica! It’s so cool that Jack’s is no longer a condemned space. Anyway I don’t think those rumors about rat infestation were true. Everyone always complains about rats: idiots!
The band has been working their asses off getting tight as a fly’s ass and man you wouldn’t believe how good they sound . . . well actually, I, uh, haven’t heard them play yet, because they won’t let me in for rehearsals, but when Darlo comes over after rehearsal (so attentive lately!) he raves about what a great bass player Bobby has become, sans eczema. Who’d of thought it? Bobby used to really suck at the bass.
We hired a tour manager, because if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that Blood Orphans need a tour manager. His name’s Dudley Cunnybrook. And get this: he’s old Southern gentry! Also he knows how to cook squirrel and brews his own gin. I’ll have a picture of him up tomorrow. And he’s CUTE, too. Darlo’s not the only one that can freelance! Also we got a new van, which Darlo and Shane call The Rust Rocket . . . well it’s not that new, but it’s nice. A real fixer-upper. Whaddya think?
On the managerial front, a number of fine institutions/corporations have decided to sponsor us:
Ricky Ticky Tavi’s: the best Indian takeout in Silverlake!
Jackie Oh-My-God!: a supercool new retro clothing store in Culver City
Sal(i)vation: An Oxnard strip club where all the girls dress up like nuns. Awesome!
Sucker’s Bet: My favorite check-cashing place in all of LA. They only charge four cents on the dollar!
Other sponsors are forthcoming, though a few got cold feet when they heard about our so-called racist past. Thanks to the Douchebag for that! Ah, who needs Gibson and Ludwig anyway when you’ve got the Rock Gods on your side.
Can’t wait to report back on our totally awesome first gig! Rock Bottom Tour 09 BEGINZ!!!!!!!!
racer69 says:
January 9th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
…so who doesn’t have some kind of racist past? Come on! Google for “ludwig racist”, you get like 114K results, no joke, the hypocrites.
Nice catch with Ricky Ticky’s anyway, though maybe they’re too busy fighting off health inspectors to read that book! You know how those Indian joints are… man. Good eats, though.
Anyways, I caught one of the shows back in the day, it was an experience! I probably won’t be able to do Santa Monica but I’ll definitely make it somewhere on this tour!
Elizabeth says:
January 9th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Congratulations on your corporate sponsors! This blog and the teaser site have me ROFL!